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Tips for buying a new car and/or new cat

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Cars and cats are commonly mistaken for one another. Not only are they similar with regard to spelling, but they also look similar, which has resulted in over 90% of the public having tried to pet their car or drive their cat on at least one occasion. Since most consumers feel the need to buy a cat directly after purchasing a new car, we would like to provide some tips for how to best purchase these items:

 

Buying a new or used car:

  • When buying a new car, ask to test drive it first. After the test drive complain to the salesman that it’s no longer new and that you would like at least a 50% discount
  • When test driving a new car drive it directly into a wall. They probably won’t want it anymore
  • Create and printout a fake “Buy 1 Get 1 Free” coupon. Present this to the salesman at the dealership, they probably won’t be able to tell it’s fake and you’ll get two cars for the price of one
  • You can also use old expired coupons. For example, take your grocery store coupon and scratch off the name of the store and expiration date. This is an easy way to get at least 30% of your new car
  • Threaten to kill the salesman’s children if he doesn’t give you a good deal
  • Sweet talk the salesman. This works best if you date them for a few months and then after a year or two marry them. Once married, they’ll probably give you discount
  • Buy a cheap cup holder and then ask if it comes with a car
  • Pay with cash; however, instead of paying with $100 bills, pay with change. Twenty-thousand dollars in pennies and nickels is pretty hard to count accurately; you’ll probably get away with shorting them at least a few dollars

Buying a new or used cat:

  • Make sure the cat you intend to purchase knows how to drive a car; chances are you’ll be tired from car and cat shopping and will want to take a nap on the ride home
  • If buying a used cat, make sure the odometer wasn’t tampered with. Cats with low mileage tend to last longer
  • Buy at least 20 cats. After a few months you’ll know which one you like best and then return the others. You can also sell the other cats on the black market, cats go for a lot these days
  • If all the cats you see are barking, you’re probably at the wrong animal shelter
  • Hold a talent show to determine which is the most talented and interesting cat
  • Dress up as a cat. This won’t help you in any way but you’ll probably feel like a better person for doing it
  • Start a fire in the animal shelter; the first cat to put the fire out is the most intelligent. Buy that one
  • Most people don’t know this, but cats love water. Bring a squirt gun with you and go nuts

How are we doing?? We need your feedback!!

 

 

 

Image attribution:
Flickr Cat on my car” by 844steamtrain. This image was not altered.

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13 replies

  1. Realistic Themes!!!!

    Like

  2. I love the uniqueness of this blog! There is really a lot of great information within this post! Thanks for sharing your tips!

    Like

  3. Wonderfully insane – trust you don’t mind if I ‘follow?’

    Like

    • “Wonderfully insane” would have the be the best compliment we’ve gotten so far!! We love you like we love our great-grandmother. But sadly, please do not follow. Following on the internet is a gate-way drug which usually leads to heroin abuse.

      Like

      • When I started this ‘blogging’ malarkey a few months ago I kept checking me back to see who was following – such is my computer illiteracy. I must admit I was hoping for blogging groupies – no luck thus far. By the way thanks for the likes etc. on a sister blog I write on the League of Mental Men – ’tis appreciated!

        Liked by 1 person

      • We hear ya, finding a good blogging circle is tough. We’re still looking! We’ve found it REALLY helpful to create a Facebook and Twitter account and have them all linked up together. Also we search for new blogs on here using the “tags” option. We put in “humor” and find tons of great stuff. Thanks again and let’s get that blogging circle going!!

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  4. You made me laugh… and I’m a high school English teacher… so, that’s like a miracle or something.

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  5. This was so funny!! Ido have some old coupons. I should probably go car or cat shopping today! And yes I’ll stay clear of the pound with the barking cats! :)

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I love the blog title and pretty much everything else about this site. I’m so glad you found me.

    Liked by 1 person

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