Local space enthusiast, Mark Hardin, recently purchased a star through the International Star Registry. However, rather than receiving a massive, luminous sphere of plasma in the mail, he received a certificate (on left) stating that he “owns Earth.”
Mr. Hardin told sources, “I was really disappointed that I didn’t get a big box with a star in it, and then things got worse when I realized they managed to screw up my order even more by giving me Earth instead.” Although most might consider owning Earth to be an honor, Mr. Hardin stated, “No way I can’t own Earth. Are you kidding me? If how I take care of my hamster is any indication of how I would take care of 7 billion people, you guys have some serious neglect coming your way.”
Although controversial, the certificate of ownership was inspected by the Attorney General and several independent legal experts. The “Official” seal in the lower left was in fact authenticated and the signature does appear to be signed by President Obama (sources assume that he just signed “The President” because he can do stuff like that). In conclusion, Mr. Hardin now has complete ownership of Earth.