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Super Social Media App

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Social media has become the mainstream for staying in touch with the world; however, there’s an overwhelming number of apps required to fully harness the power that social media has to offer. Our sources have recently confirmed that a new innovative app, called “Super Social Media,” will be released within a matter of days to years.

Super Social Media will incorporate all your favorite apps, such as Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Pinterest, Vine, YouTube, Linkedin, Tweetbot3, Osfoora 2, BBM, Yonder, Tagged, Ning, MySpace, Hi5, MeetMe, Netlog, Classmates, Empire Avenue, Orkut, Path, BlackPlanet, Tribe.net, Coderwall, Gather, Bebo, Glogster, GROU.PS, GetGlue, PeerIndex, Heello, Hoop.la, Groupsite, Piczo, Lunch.com, Bloson, Dot429, Everloop, Power.com, PeopleJar, Chl.mp, LeFeed, Hubbub, Tarpipe, Ruck.us, TalentSplash, ScuttlePad, Togetherville, TagWorld, LikeALittle, NoteLeaf, MeetYourFriends, RendezVous353, Sharing Giggles, Google Plus, Google Profiles, Tumblr, and Soovox, just to name a few.

It’s simple, once you download the Super Social Media app (64 GB of free memory required) all you have to do is create accounts for all the above mentioned applications so that Super Social Media can synchronize all of your profiles. Once your profiles have been synched, all you have to do is complete the 12-step multi-authenticated verification process (have your passport, birth certificate, and eye-retinal scanner handy).

Following are just a few of the many advantages this app will provide:

  • When posting a comment to one app, Super Social Media will “translate” what you say when it posts to the other apps so that it matches the “style” of the app and it’s audience. For example, if you post a comment on Facebook saying, “Man, I’m super tired I wanna just leave work to go sleep!!” Super Social Media will then rephrase that comment when posting to other apps: for Linkedin it would automatically post “I quit my job due to fatigue,” and for Instagram it would post a picture of a soon to be homeless man.
  • Are you a fan of online dating? If so, it will synchronize all of your online dating apps, such as Okcupid, Matchand You Must Love Dogs Dating. As soon as someone replies to one of your online dating messages, Super Social Media will automatically set up a date for you and alert you of the time and place. Should the app accidentally pair you up with an ugly person, don’t worry, it will typically schedule 3-4 dates at the same time and place so that when you arrive at the location you can choose. Please note that Super Social Media will not synchronize with ChristianMingle or eHarmony; these sites incorporate a religious context and supposedly most apps (mainly iPhone apps) do not believe in God.
  • Super Social Media is ALWAYS watching and listening!! Have you ever missed that great moment when you wanted to photograph or video record something? Not anymore! Super Social Media will utilize both your phone’s imbedded camera as well as its audio recording abilities. It will literally always be on and record everything you say and do! The best part is, you will no longer have to manually record special moments. The apps software detects trigger words, such as “Don’t tell anyone, but…” and “God my boss is such a…” and will automatically publicize that content on all of your profiles!! Other key phrases which will allow the app to initialize recording and automatically post to your profiles includes, “OH GOD YES, YESS, YESSS, KEEP GOING!!” and “I’m pretty sure this is illegal, but…”

Super Social Media will also be very affordable. For only a one-time reoccurring payment of $4.99 you can have this great new app!!

 

Image attribution:
“Flickr Social Media Apps” by Jason Howie. This image was not altered.

 

 

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6 replies

  1. I wouldn’t pay monthly for something that I get for free even though I have to use different apps. For those whom aren’t on rooted systems and cannot remove the unused system apps like Google+, in my opinion, it would better to use it than just to sit there occupying space on my phone’s memory.

    Fiscally it just doesn’t make sense (if it was a one time fee then yes, it’s a great deal). Plus the amount of space it requires on your device is ludicrous. Thanks but no thanks.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Excellent!. Really a very important news. I’ll try it. The only problem is the size and the free memory required, that seem a limit for use this application to cellular mobile.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. So let me get this straight: If I go on Facebook and say I’m looking for friends, that automatically gets sent to all my dating apps, who translate it as ‘I’m horny and alone’?…That sure would save me a lot of time I already have.
    Great stuff…let’s hope 5 years from now people will still recognize as satire, rather than realityS:

    Liked by 1 person

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