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Welcome to our Headlines section, where the news stories are quick and dirty. Are you an overachieving reader? Do you hate this section for absolutely no reason? No sweat, visit our Articles section!!

Meanwhile at the zoo…

    Despite receiving no response, a local man at the zoo continues to plead with a gecko to lower his car insurance deductible.       Image attribution: “Flickr Madagascar Giant Day Gecko” by Nick Michalski.

Advances in board game science

  Board game scientists recently discovered that whether or not parents let their child win at Monopoly later predicts that child’s willingness to take care of their parents during their terminal stages of life.     Image attribution: “bankers-anonymous.com”

In local online dating news…

    Woman excludes approximately 98.2% of the male dating pool by stating that she is looking for a man who is both honest and caring.           Image attribution: “Flickr Working on laptop” by  Hans Kristian Aas.

In local news…

    Father blow torches child’s toy in a last-ditch effort to open it after wrestling with the packaging for 4 hours.         Image attribution: “Injury.com” This image was not altered.

The 10th dentist…

    9 out of 10 dentists agree that the 10th dentist is a fucking liar.         Image attribution: “Flickr Dentist Assortment” by Dawn Schwanke. This image was not altered.

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